It feels like it has been forever since I've gotten some words out so here it goes...
We had our first performance on Saturday and it went fabulous, we had a few bobbles but nothing too big! I absolutely love my team, they are the shit. I've also mastered one of my tumbling passes that once gave me hell. Back hand-spring, back hand-spring, full... It has been a long journey but with some good coaching and positive team mates I managed to finally master it.
This term has flown by! I can not believe I only have two more weeks to go... It is crunch time so I've been trying to get my study on. School has never been this hard for me. I would like to blame the transition but I'm leaning more towards my lack of concentration. I can not wait to start my new classes and to be done with the classes I am in now!
I got to skype with a BURNING MAN friend today and she really shed some light on my day. I needed a good talk and it's amazing how connected people become when faced with a close death. She shared her story with me of losing her brother to suicide & how her journey has been since. Needless to say, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. We talked about some of our burning mans stories and it took me right back. I can't wait to make my next trip out to the Playa! You meet the most amazing people there with the most amazing stories.
I was able to have a good cry this morning & to be honest it was much needed. Some mornings just hit me harder than others. I know it's silly to be so caught up on one boy, especially at my age, but given what I've been through I don't think I'll ever NOT be hung up on this ONE boy. Matt was so good to me and so much a part of my family that it will be extremely hard for anyone to ever come close to filling his shoes.
I can count on one hand the number of fights we've been in. Our biggest fight happened to be at a party... imagine that. After an hour of fighting we ended up at Riley's house where I then decided I was going to walk home. Matt being just at stubborn as me decided he was also going to walk home... TO MY HOME. So two hours of walking & crying led us to the Peg's parking lot where we both stopped hugged each other for ten minutes and shared a LAUGH at how stubborn we both were. Matt knows me better than anyone. A few nights ago I had a dream that me and him were sitting at my kitchen table back in Reno having a very vivid conversation. It was only a few sentences but I can remember it all. The last thing he said to me was,"Stop being a brat." I guess somethings never do change.
I was told today that I'm going to have rough days & when I do have rough days, to let them be rough. It's okay to not be okay. I just wish things were different...
I miss you more than ever & I still love you just the same. You are always in my heart & always on my mind. There isn't a single thing I do on my own. I know you are always with me. I would do anything just to see you one last time.
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