Sunday, November 21, 2010

Days like these...

It feels like it has been forever since I've gotten some words out so here it goes...

We had our first performance on Saturday and it went fabulous, we had a few bobbles but nothing too big! I absolutely love my team, they are the shit. I've also mastered one of my tumbling passes that once gave me hell. Back hand-spring, back hand-spring, full... It has been a long journey but with some good coaching and positive team mates I managed to finally master it. 





This term has flown by! I can not believe I only have two more weeks to go... It is crunch time so I've been trying to get my study on. School has never been this hard for me. I would like to blame the transition but I'm leaning more towards my lack of concentration. I can not wait to start my new classes and to be done with the classes I am in now!

I got to skype with a BURNING MAN friend today and she really shed some light on my day. I needed a good talk and it's amazing how connected people become when faced with a close death. She shared her story with me of losing her brother to suicide & how her journey has been since. Needless to say, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. We talked about some of our burning mans stories and it took me right back. I can't wait to make my next trip out to the Playa! You meet the most amazing people there with the most amazing stories.

I was able to have a good cry this morning & to be honest it was much needed. Some mornings just hit me harder than others. I know it's silly to be so caught up on one boy, especially at my age, but given what I've been through I don't think I'll ever NOT be hung up on this ONE boy. Matt was so good to me and so much a part of my family that it will be extremely hard for anyone to ever come close to filling his shoes.

I can count on one hand the number of fights we've been in. Our biggest fight happened to be at a party... imagine that. After an hour of fighting we ended up at Riley's house where I then decided I was going to walk home. Matt being just at stubborn as me decided he was also going to walk home... TO MY HOME. So two hours of walking & crying led us to the Peg's parking lot where we both stopped hugged each other for ten minutes and shared a LAUGH at how stubborn we both were. Matt knows me better than anyone. A few nights ago I had a dream that me and him were sitting at my kitchen table back in Reno having a very vivid conversation. It was only a few sentences but I can remember it all. The last thing he said to me was,"Stop being a brat." I guess somethings never do change. 





I was told today that I'm going to have rough days & when I do have rough days, to let them be rough. It's okay to not be okay. I just wish things were different...

I miss you more than ever & I still love you just the same. You are always in my heart & always on my mind. There isn't a single thing I do on my own. I know you are always with me. I would do anything just to see you one last time. 



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