3 months

Today marks 3 months since the passing of my beautiful boyfriend Matthew Trabert. It's been 3 months of emotions. Plenty of tears, heart ache, some smiles, laughs, but mostly this feeling of being lost. As if I'm not part of reality and some days I don't even know where I stand. Everything that once seemed so "big" now seems like hardly anything at all. Everything is so insignificant to me & it is hard for me to find motivation to do the things, "I have to do." I honestly just want to do the things, "I love to do." After all isn't that what life should be about? Doing what you love & loving what you do. I don't have my head on straight but I don't know if I ever have. I'm trying my best to be "normal." It's hard for me to not feel sorry for myself, I'm constantly asking myself; "Why me?" "Why did my boyfriend have to die?" "What am I suppose to do now?" And most days I answer back with..."Because Hannah you are tough enough to take anything that is thrown your way. It's hurts & that's life. Everyone has a battle, this is yours, and you will make it through." Call me crazy, like I don't know! I miss you Matt more and more each day and I love you always. You are my better half and I am not the same without you. You give me the strength I need to get through every day. I can't believe you are not here. So today I will be smiling for you... got bloc party on my pandora and quotes all over my computer. You are missed by all babes <3