Getting things together...

I’m BACK…

SO sorry it has been SO long since my last post but I was SO interested in school that I didn’t find any time to update this and share all my latest craziest ideas with all you fine friends. So here I am, it’s winter break, I head home in TWO days to good old RENO. As most of you may know I managed to make it home for Turkey Day this year. I was so HAPPY to be back at my aunt and uncles with all my beautiful cousins and of course my grandpa… (Who will never realize how much he means to our family). But I think that is kind of the cool part about my Grandpa- he doesn’t give a flying shit about what people are doing- if he doesn’t like it- you’ll know. I crave that kind of honesty; his blunt comments warm my heart in this weird dark humor loving way. Other than that I partied hard with my best friends as always expect this time I was different… I was more put together… you could say I’ve grown up a little.

Best

I know yall get tired of hearing about how amazing my best friends are but I honestly can’t help but brag. I can’t help but rant and rave about the love and support I share day in and day out. And since I am always being so honest… I will say this… I shouldn’t feel guilty about stating how important my friends are to me and neither should you. One day you might wake up expecting a completely normal day but as soon as you walk out of your front door you’re blind-sided by life changing, dream altering news. TELL THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE, THAT YOU LOVE THEM, AS MUCH & AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN. Do not let those small words go to waste. Wake up, lose sight of the proud independent being you are and become vulnerable. I try my best to include every soul I undoubtedly love in my thoughts and words every damn day. I encourage you to do the same. So with that being said this blog is closing in on one individual who has impacted and entirely changed my life for the better without even trying.

Lynn Marie Risinger

I don’t believe in religion however I do believe in spirituality. I know with my whole entire heart & my broken soul that you were meant to be in my life. We have only shared this friendship for a short year but I think we can both agree that we might not have made it through that entire year without each other. Just like our old friend Edward Sharpe would say… “I’ve been everywhere with you…” We’ve had our fair share of FUCK YOU’S & Thank you’s but we somehow always manage to laugh through the troubles that seem to haunt our every day lives.

(Side note, I’m listening to Pandora right now “angus and Julia stone radio” and HOME just came on through my head phones, NO LIES)

Back to the action… I’ve never met someone who sees the world the way I do until I met you. I don’t know if it takes a large amount of dark days to inspire someone to be as carefree as we pretend to be. Maybe people are just wired differently, maybe I will never know. There are so many words I want to use in this blog but I find it extremely difficult to place them in order and in ways where they would make sense so I’m going to go back a few years and act as if I am writing in your high school yearbook. However these memories are no high school year sort of memories. These are the real, the raw, the dark, and the memories that will forever save my life. I love you endlessly, in the flesh, till the day we part.

Halloween 2010- Dr.Dog… the start of it all. I can’t even begin to thank you for bringing me into your beautiful group of friends. Thanks for sharing your best friend with me. She is simply striking and amazing in every way.

A certain Xmas party resulting in bad decisions- that decision does not come close to the conversation that took place on a kitchen counter earlier that night. The first time I ever really ‘leaned on you.’

My 21 birthday… I will never forget.

Our countless road trips to Reno. My friends falling in love with you just as I had promised they would.

Sasquatch, Burning man, Sunday afternoons, and a random after noon in my room listening to the funeral sitting on my bed realizing… we are the people are parents warned us about.

Rusko…

Lynnard, gf, other half, the best thing that has ever happened to me;

            From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for saving all that is left of me. I don’t want this to be a crazy sappy letter because we all know we are so much tougher than that… However I don’t know how to explain how important you are to me, to my family, and to my friends. There needs to be more people like you in this world. You bring me back down to earth and encourage me to be better. I constantly look up to you in more ways that I will ever be able to explain. It seems like we are always together & somewhat attached at the hip… I am so terrified for the days to come where miles will separate us instead of walls. Where you are not just a Saturday night stumble away. But I want you to know that we will never be so far apart that we won’t be best friends. We will continue to live side by side until the sun no longer rises on the black rock desert. I will love you until the world stops singing. AND ME AND YOU… We will be okay. In fact we will be better than we ever dreamt of being. Because me and you, we have something that they won’t ever have. We have each other- and I am 100 percent convinced that, that is all I will ever need. You are beautiful inside and out & I am truly, truly, blessed to have you as my best friend. You are the realist thing that’s happened in my world in the past year. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Don't be a dumbass, BurningMan 2011

If you read my blog at all then you know there are a few things that I am passionate about. The top pick without a doubt is Burningman. Last year was my first year out on the playa and I can promise that I will continue to go each and every year until I can no longer see, hear, walk, or breath. It is what I live off for the entire year. The energy, the people, the MAN.

Bman 2010 changed my life, it saved me. After attending whole year of school up at Oregon I convinced my gf Lynn that SHE NEEDED TO SEE IT FOR HERSELF. The summer went on and bad news hit my square in the face, "burningman is sold out." Good for me, that I already had my ticket but now any chances of Lynn going were slim. The days passed and burning man was a week away. Riley was coming to pick me up so we could do some playa shopping. When I went to answer my front door I was in shock. There was Riley standing next to my beautiful best friend Lynn. One of the best days of my life. Lynn purchased a ticket a while back and planned on surprising me AND it worked. Everyone knew except my distracted ass. It was so nice having a girl out there with me this year. I can't express of explain burningman to anyone. If you haven't been- YOU NEED TO GO.

Done feeling sorry for you & I'm done feeling sorry for myself.

The following entries were written at a time of anger... I'm not so angry anymore.

CHEERS.

I am angry, I've lost a whole yea ron you, on what you left, on our memories, on the idea of us. I will never get that year back. I was not strong enough, but now I am. I am tough, soft around the edges but on the inside I am unbreakable. I am done being broken, I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am done trying to keep those you loved up. If they don't care about me, support me, or have the balls to approach me- Then why should I give them the time of day? Life is short, time is valuable. I don't have time for anyone's BULLSHIT. They only feel sorry for me. NOT anymore.

I feel sorry for you.

I am calling YOU out. You are rude on every level & I still feel the need to keep you as a friend. I hope the bridges you burn light the way. I'm sick & tired of being on the back burner, I'm tired of sticking up for you. Considered this a call out to end the bullshit. You are a chameleon, & you have NO idea who you are. One day when you find yourself let me know because maybe that girl who was once one of my best friends will show up again, or maybe she is forever lost.

Got here by running my mouth... Fake people, fake girl, fake friend. Rude people, rude girl, rude friend.

I'm glad that my life is 5 times more interesting than yours & you feel the need to talk about it. I usually try to not act like I'm in high school anymore but due to the fact that half the people around me will never grow out of high school I feel as if I should fill you in on my honest sincere thoughts... I can make my own choices, I can do whatever I damn well please whenever I damn well want with NO regrets. I'm not sorry for who I am who for the choices I have made. If you risk nothing, you risk everything. So for those of you who feel the need to talk about me & my life... Please understand that YOU don't known the first thing about me.

New year, New adventure, NEW ME

It has been far too long since I have updated this piece of art. Let’s just say I was a little busy having too much fun this summer. I am back in Eugene & back in school. Still working on finishing up my major (Cinema Studies) I should be just about done by the end of this year however I will still need to complete a whole year of Spanish after this year. Study abroad perhaps? Definitely looking into it!

Other than school I have FOUR new roomies. Lynn, Lauren, Ahron, and Fielding. They are effing awesome in every single way. Our house is a bit far from campus but the bus runs here and it takes about 20 minutes to get to school. NOT BAD AT ALL. We call our little bungalow the tree house. We have no neighbors and we live up on this giant hill. The view IS UNREAL. It is a huge house that fits us perfectly. 

I LOVE MY ROOMIES

Along with school starting my TEAM is back in action. It is so nice to have all my babes back in the same town. We have 18 freshmen this year who are unbelievably talented. We are going to rule the world this year and I can’t wait for everything to fall together.

Week 2

Ello Friends! So it's week two of my last term here at the U of O until SUMMER. Week one went by incredibly fast and my classes don't seem so bad! I'm taking two English courses that deal with film, a journalism class based on Disney and another drug and alcohol class by my favorite teacher COYOTE. I'm watching at least 3 movies a week for my major... No art classes this term, but I plan on taking some next term or maybe even over summer! My team is back from their trip to the east coast where we won 2 of our 3 meets... we lost to Maryland but plan on taking it back this weekend at NATIONALS. We are seated # 1 going into Nationals so we go straight through to semi finals on Friday. I can't believe our season is coming to an end! I am so excited to see my fambam this weekend!

What a BORE

Welp, I am finally done with my second term here at the U of O. It went SO much better than my first term. Switching my major was one of the best ideas I've ever had, I must say! I learned to love school again through this term. I had some kick ass teachers who helped mentor me along the way. I was in my first art class ever in college... which seems super surprising. I don't know why I never took an art class before, other than the fact that I though it was a waste. However I love art, it's totally my escape and it makes me happy. My art teacher was by far one of the best teachers I've had through my college days. Some of my other classes included; journalism, and English. I also took a drug and alcohol class that I really loved! So school is going smoothly for once and I'm hoping to keep it that way. 

Besides that... It's spring break!!! I'm headed home to good old RENO in the morning and I can not wait! It's like Christmas but so much better :] I wish I was making the journey with my team to the East Coast but I know everything happens for a reason & I've enjoyed getting my life back together. I'm a little lost, but I'd rather be lost than completely found. I mean, where's the fun in that? So my partner in crime, my girlfriend, Lynn is back in Louisiana for her Grandma's funeral... it's been a tough couple days here without her. I can't wait to be reunited on Wednesday with her pretty self! 

Other than that... life is good! I have a lot lined up for me this year and I can't wait to see where 2011 takes me. I'm doing well, loving life and living life.